ive had sex at the tallest point in the amalfi coast but ive also vomitted on my phone i smoked a ciggerette on top of the Mayan pyramids but i've also been punched in the face on a bus and i took an uber to the redwoods and i hitch hiked out of the red woods what they dont tell you about the red woods is that theres no cell service in the red woods i took a shower in a hurricane but ive also pissed my pants on a date and i had a conversation with martha stewart about bootleg DVDS and i was on the local news and i got made fun of on the local news by the weatherman on the local news he did an impression that killed in the studio and i have done some fun stuff but im also a drunk fuck up i have done some fun stuff but im also a drunk fuck up and the first time i said i love you i was in a bath tub in italy but i have also been kicked out of go karting in a six flags in mexico

Me and Alex get drunk and do our laundry I ask Alex what the hell is wrong with me C Am F G He asks me how we got like this C Am F And if we’re O---kay----aaeee C Am F I think we’re O---kay----aaeee VERSE 1 C G C G C G F I buy detergent for babies cuz I think it’s funny and it’s cheap C G C G C G F We drink huge Dosexxies at a bar we hate run by dweebs C G C G C G F Close in the washer we get fucking hammered the best we’re gonna feel all week C G C G C G F Talk about old girlfriends and stupid coworkers and idiots who facetime on the street F G (but I do this G as a bar cuz I like the slide) Why are people so dumb C Am I don’t kno------ow F G (bar one) But complaining is fun C Am Dude I kno------ow (this is done on a C Chord, just pluck down starting at the root and then when you get to the open e the next note is first fret on e string) C chord We go to the Open e 1st fret Open e laundr- a- mat C chord but with your pinky on the third fret drop the pinky and move pointer to 1st fret E And Cry and Drop the first fret e, so its c chord with an open e Laugh C chord but with your pinky on the third fret drop the pinky and move pointer to 1st fret E Cry and Drop the first fret e, so its c chord with an open e Laugh Chorus C Am F G Me and Alex get drunk and do our laundry C Am F G I ask Alex what the hell is wrong with me C Am F G He asks me how we got like this C Am F And if we’re O---kay----aaeee C Am F I think we’re O---kay----aaeee Verse 2 C G C G C G F Clothes in the dryer we’re at a different bar, talking about our families C G C G C G F Those that we like and those that are assholes and those that we try not to see C G C G C G After the dryer we go Chinese food as the woman behind the counter F G (but slid up on the bar) How much it costs to buy everything C G C G C G F Go home watch peep show and scream old emo drink, smoke, and fall asleep F G (but I do this G as a bar cuz I like the slide) Why are people so dumb C Am I don’t kno------ow F G (bar one) But complaining is fun C Am Dude I kno------ow (this is done on a C Chord, just pluck down starting at the root and then when you get to the open e the next note is first fret on e string) C chord We go to the Open e 1st fret Open e laundr- a- mat C chord but with your pinky on the third fret drop the pinky and move pointer to 1st fret E And Cry and Drop the first fret e, so its c chord with an open e Laugh C chord but with your pinky on the third fret drop the pinky and move pointer to 1st fret E Cry and Drop the first fret e, so its c chord with an open e Laugh Chorus (Turn) C Am F G Me and Alex get drunk and do our laundry C Am F G I ask Alex what the hell is wrong with me C Am F G He asks me will we always be like this C Am F And dood I don’t know C Am F I guess one day we’ll leave from this place C Am F And I guess we will drop off our clothes C Am F But I will remember these days C G F Cuz I felt the most like myself C G F I felt the most like myself G When we’re drinking C At laundry night

I haven't done shit today Fell asleep on the couch Though my bed is steps away I guess I was hungry Cuz I woke up to the smoke alarm screaming at me I wish I was a bird So I could fly away from here Someone could come along and shoot me and then stuff me And I wish I was a fish So I could swim away from here Someone could come along And hook me and then gut me And get me out of here I've been stuck in my head Sabotage relationships before I even start them Guess I kinda love that game Its nice that I love something but somethings gotta change I wish I was a bird So I could fly away from here Someone could come along and shoot me and then stuff me And I wish I was a fish So I could swim away from here Someone could come along And hook me and then gut me And get me out of here I wish I was deer So I could run away from here And someone would come a long And hit me with their car I probably won't change I'll just stay right here But I bet if I left You would come with If I turned into a bird I bet you would turn into one with me And we'll both got shot together And live on the mantle of some ass hole If I turned into a fish I bet you would turn into one with me And we'll both get hooked together And be snacks for little kids

I wish I was younger When I was so much dumber And all I ever wanted when I got older Was to be happy Jokes on me I wish I was younger When I was so much dumber And I fell in love one summer And was happy Jokes on me I wish I was younger When I was so much dumber And I would get on stage And do one liners So heres some jokes from when I was hppy I wish people were more like trees Cuz when I cut someone open I have no idea how old they are I recently bought a pocket knife Now I can finally get back at all those pockets You think that the sheep that are allergic to latex Use human skin condoms If not who's been using all my human skin condoms I wish I was younger When I was so much dumber

Entry #12 I swam 50 yards today And almost drowned It was deep I'm just tired I called out to the lifeguard stand You had headphones on I don't think they were plugged in Hey I'm drowning No you're not I am You're just whining It's hard Still whining now I know I phew more strokes Do you remember the sandlot The movie Yes Well can we do that I don't know it's late Can we do that anyway I don't think your headphones were even plugged in I don't think your were even plugged in I wanna write everyday and think of you I wanna write everyday and think of you I wanna write everyday and think of you But I wrote everyday and you never got back to me Entries #19 & 21 21 Sometimes I come home And I'm drunk And uncreative And I just want to sleep Everything's fine I'm just tired of eating pie My organs have all packed up They said they need a vacation I said you work for me They said we quit I died I wanna write everyday and think of you I wanna write everyday and think of you I wanna write everyday and think of you But I wrote everyday and you never got back to me If I could hitch a hammock across the corners of your face I would lay there Forever Unbothered and unconcerned Swinging softly between your lips I'd sway with your breath Feel your heart as you inhale And fall asleep with a smile Within a smile I don't write everyday but I still think of you I don't write everyday but I still think of you One of these days I will get over you And I'll never play this fucking song again

I look the best when I'm right out of the shower And I don't have my contacts on I feel the best when I'm drinking with my roommate And he asks me to play my saddest songs I look like I feel inside I look like I feel inside Good if I tried Good if I tried I look like I feel inside I look like I feel inside Good if I tried Good if I tried And I look like a rat With my mustache Or a younger version of Escobar I look like my brother If you shaved off my mustache And gave me a wife and a house and a car I look like I feel inside I look like I feel inside Good if I tried Good if I tried I look like I feel inside I look like I feel inside Good if I tried Good if I tried I need someone to fix me But trick me And tell me that I'm pretty I need someone to fix me But trick me And tell me that I'm pretty I'll kiss you I'll kiss you And tell you that you're pretty I'll kiss you I'll kiss you And tell you that you're pretty Please fix me Please fix me Please fix me I look like I feel inside I look like I feel inside Good if I tried Good if I tried